Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
