it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
