Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
