Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
