we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
