she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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