I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
