Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
