My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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