margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
