he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
