i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
