What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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