Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
