dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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