remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
