If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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