even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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