I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
