In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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