I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize