Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
