i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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