No stitches, just platelets and will power
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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