Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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