Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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