Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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