I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
