spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
