She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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