Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So much Jack, so little girl.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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