There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
