Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Randomize