if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The struggles of a small town man whore
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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