the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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