he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
