I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
