I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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