would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
