i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
