Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
