The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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