If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
