I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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