My boss' voice literally gives me gas
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
