Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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