did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
her facebook's as public as her vagina
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Randomize
