I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Damn victory sex feels great
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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