I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize