Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
