Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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