it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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